Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
