my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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