I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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