i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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