It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
