you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
