my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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