real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
