Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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