Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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