yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Everything about him screamed your future.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He shit in the fireplace
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
