So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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