she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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