so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I intend to get homeless drunk
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
