a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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