The maid of honor just puked.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
