it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
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Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
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I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
50% drunk capacity currently
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
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