having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
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I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
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Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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