So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
