We're like a lot better than the average bears
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
