you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
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Church boner. Awkwardddd
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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