my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
