I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
How's work?
Spinning.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
