it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
