Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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