The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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