i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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