dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
