I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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