how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
All I want is dick and wine.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
