So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
