please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
