Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
