my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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