So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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