Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
