could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
