Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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