coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
