super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
