Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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