Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
