So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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