Do you still have your period?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
