Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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