I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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