Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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