i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
