fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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