You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
