Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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