he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize