Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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