Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
