Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize