I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
