he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
