just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
