I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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