The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
