did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
im holly from the hills drunk
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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