you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
