Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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