yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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