There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
