I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
