The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
