Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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