she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Randomize
