i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
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What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
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do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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