Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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