I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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