Me. At least after what I've been through.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
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Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
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I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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