K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
