I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
