How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
