Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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