Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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