First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
