She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
