to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
