dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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