since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
