Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
